So I’ve been flying black opts for a few weeks… I cannot believe that I am here again: not pregnant… this is crap. And to top it off – (Steph here’s the Jealousy thing…. My personal Seven movie moment - I am trying hard to let go of this but it still bugs me.) Christmas day we head to Hubby’s parents for Christmas day with them around 2pm. SIL is clenching plans designs for a new house build… Mind you she lives in a perfectly good 1,300+ sqft house and they are trying to sell it in a market that is not doing so well… She wants SOOO badly for someone to ask her about the plans she has in her hands... Someone to feed into her need for attention. I’m sort of “green” with things, I recycle, compost, garden, buy local, use less energy, etc… So we bought a very small house but we love the yard and the area and only wanted to use what we needed… we didn’t need a large house, large house uses more energy, hence we would be wasteful and less “Green”. SIL wants that’s the key word, wants, she wants things she either cannot have or doesn’t have, all the time. Mostly she want attention. They want to build and house and say they do not have enough room… I feel like my Jealousy is no match for her Gluttony. She now has both boys the 7 month old and the 2 year old in the same room…. Interesting because she made it sound like the spare room is now empty… perhaps she is planning more than a house build… Perhaps another child… awesome. 3 babies in the time it takes me to make 1... Just what I need. And here is the best part she ONLY wants a Girl... I got news for you sister dear you don't always get what you want. I know she thinks that if she gets pregnant they will be forced to buy another house because they cannot fit 3 kids in a 3 bedroom house, she needs 5 at least….please!
Okay, I vented, now that’s out of the way…. On to better things… like positive thinking per haps…?
I started my period on Boxing Day – Slightly fitting… and 20 weeks to the day that I would be prego… Not that we were trying (by any stretch!) but we stopped using protection when we got a light period in the last few days of November. Why can it be that some women fall so easily into pregnancy? I see them all the time getting pregnant with less than 2 or 3 cycles of trying. That is not TRYING. Trying is going 24 months to find you just got pregnant again for the 4th time to find that you will lose it again in 10 week…. Trying is going through 2 miscarriages and then an ectopic and having to resort to IVF…. Those are good examples of TRYING… because we still are despite all the odds and issues… We are still trying. THAT IS TRYING PEOPLE! Sorry I digress.... Back to Positive thoughts....
Christmas was good. My family gets together Christmas eve and watches videos from the past year’s trips. We had travelled to Northern Maine for an adventure up Katahdin and we had funny videos and photos that I had assembled in to a DVD to watch on my Hubby’s projector in the Garage at my Uncles Home. It was so much fun. We followed that up with watching Christmas Vacation the movie. Hilarious, crude and downright classic! We drank wine/beer/or harder and ate tons of food. My Mum made Lobster Rolls, classic Maine Christmas! Then in the am (Christmas Morn) we all meet up at my Aunt house and have Mimosa with brunch! Exchange gifts and just enjoy the craziness of 20 people in a 900 sq ft home!
Glad to start the new year.
I just stopped by a spiritual shop in my area and wanted to get something to help a friend. I walk around for a while taking in the shop, looking at all the items they had. After a while I asked for help, well help turned into why I was there… For a friend… then why we are friends came up, then the questions waterfalled from there to tears running down my face and 2 lovely women surrounding me and saying it’s going to happen, we know this- trust us. One of the women was a spiritual healer- who channells good vibraitions and the other was a tarot reader and they told me that see me with 2 children. This gives me hope and they were so understanding and kind. They never once pressured me to share nor to start crying but I did and like they said everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that. But that reason like I have said many times before is not clear right now. She said I need to get healthy, heal, center my self- be the healthiest I can be – yoga, eating right- no junk food… all of that will need to be in order to help me- and I need to help me 1st. And I believe her. If I focus on myself and my healthy and well being then I will have made the best environment for a child, right? So I feel better and knowing what I need to do. I’m not a deeply religious person but I do believe in something is bigger than us is out there.. not sure yet what it is…
One thing that they both mention was I need to see myself with my baby and rocking it, feeding it, diapering it.. etc… see it in my arms – visualization is very powerful. I tried that last time I was prego and I saw the egg and the sperm meet – I saw it (in my head of course!) transform to a zygote and implant itself in my uterus and I saw the heartbeat… I did lose that pregnancy but it was not meant to be for whatever reason… I wish I knew why but it’s not possible… That’s the breaks. But they both agreed that I need to see the baby in my arms and visualize being a mother and that will help tremendously… So here is to thinking about Diapers and bottles and baby things and best of all having a baby. I need to put myself in the thought process of this will happen and soon!
Cheers to New years and New babies!!
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