Arcuate sloped Uterus with multi focal adenomyosis

In other words, congratulations, you have a normal-ish uterus which should be capable to sustaining life.... awesome then why am I not...!?

What is it?
Adenomyosis- adeno- (meaning gland), myo- (meaning muscle), and -osis (meaning condition). Previously named as endometriosis interna, adenomyosis actually differs from endometriosis and these two disease entities are found together in only 10% of the cases 
- And I have both....awesome love 10%...
Causes-
The cause of adenomyosis is unknown, although it has been associated with any sort of uterine trauma that may break the barrier between the endometrium and myometrium, such as a caesarean section, tubal ligation, pregnancy termination, and any pregnancy. It can be linked with endometriosis.^[5]
Some say that the reason adenomyosis is common in women between the ages of 35 and 50 is because it is between these ages that women have an excess of estrogen (Estrogen Dominance). Near the age of 35, women typically cease to create as much natural progesterone, which counters the effects of estrogen. After the age of 50, due to menopause, women do not create as much estrogen.
 the rest of the treatment and suggestions are here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adenomyosis

Arcuate uterus-
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arcuate_uterus
Nothing to see here but there is no connection with this type of uterus and losses... awesome again!


This means no septum, no surgery which is good but that does make up for the fact that I am no able to keep anything in that capable space.... clearly... I meet with the Dr still to talk about these results Monday.

So that happen yesterday... I was a bit of a blubbering mess yesterday, my co-worker who now know how many losses we are up to openly and know how hard I actually have had a go at this, know now too because I could not hold back the tears about the bad news, nothing wrong with you.... The all tried to help me see the bright side, which sort of was sweet but made me cry harder.... Yeah the bright side is not visible yet.... Let you know when I see it coming...

Today I am better but I need answers. I have to have them.

I am going to request the full enchilada of test... All of them, I need that at least, drain me of my blood, do them all....

Also I'm sick of hearing: "It will happen when you least expect it....."  my response: "F.U."

Holidays.... sigh...

Today I would be 10 weeks...... today would mean telling family and friends closest to us, today would mean so much.... Sadly we are not in that place...Oh well...

Moving On.

I got back my Microbiology test back, I received a 85! I had really thought there was no way I would get anything higher then a 70 seeing the class average was an 80! Wahoo! Now there is no way I'm not getting an A! Makes my day to have my hard work pay off, and knowing that this class which I feel is my achilles heal is actually my best class really helps boost my mood.

Today I do not feel like working... I feel like making Christmas gifts, listening to Christmas music, getting ready to decorate the tree tomorrow... I'm in full  Christmas mood, which is very much the old me, the me that I forgot last year. I didn't even get a tree last year until the 3rd week in December, yes I know Christmas is on the 3rd week... yeah I was slightly a Grinch... But I still created a slide show for my family of our camping trip that summer and a cook book with recipes... I pulled it together...And drank a lot.... This year I actually made gifts this summer, fall and winter for everyone. This year I made Pickles- Sour Mustard, Apple Butter, Homemade Kahlua. I am trying to come up with other ideas.... I want something to put all the goodies into too, but I don't want to spend money, I think I can sew something crafty, maybe even a reusable bag.... I've got plenty of fabric odds... Going to make labels for all the food items...It will be fun to see people look through the gift, I love the giving part..... it's my favorite!

As for my Tree, poor hubs... He loves (lots of) colors and lights, flashy anything, if it's shiny, yup he loves it.... Well this year I'm getting my dream tree: white soft lights, cream/tan with Blue and green accents and Burlap- VINTAGE... I want to have a decorative tree, I want the tree that ends up on pintress... I don't have kids, yet, we have very little in the sentimental department for ornaments... - I'm doing it! Will post Photos once completed... Hopefully this weekend!

Monday Dec 3rd we have our follow up apt, hoping that there is nothing bad to report from the fetal tissue extracted... I know its terrible, But I want the issue to be a septum so badly... then it's fixable, my night mare would be slightly or close to over... Oh and JUST got a Phone call, my MRI is FRIDAY!!!!!!! at 3:30 SO great, because then I can talk with the Dr on Dec 3rd about the GAME PLAN! I'm really Pumped!

D&C today...

I'm sad but I know that this will help us get on the right track.

We needed to have a loss with this Dr, she needed to be able to do what she does best, investigate... I needed her...

I started bleeding this morning, lightly then it has slowly increased, along with some pretty strong pain, not as bad as it had been the night I naturally miscarried, but getting there, I would suspect that I would have let go but the potential for left over tissues too much of a worry for me.... D&C plans continue.

My heart aches not to be celebrating my 8 or 9th week right now....

Have you ever seen the move Sliding Doors... Gwyneth Paltrow is in it, well she plays a women who has a lying (ugly), cheating Boyfriend who doesn't work and is sleeping with her boss... Well in one version she finds him in bed with the other women, and breaks up with him - finds an amazing man... etc...... Then in the other version she doesn't find out right away but then loses her job, life falls to shit.... But the ending this the best part, won't revel it - but there is some sadness for you miscarriage/loss ladies out there... but the story reminds me of my life... would I be a mother on my over version of life, are my hubby and I planning Christmas with our kids... What's on the other side of my story... What would have happened if I did continue to hear a heartbeat.... See the baby's arms and legs... and delivered.... Where would I be..... I know that I am all the stronger now but wouldn't that have been nice to have blissfully been parents after the ectopic.... I'd have a baby..... Ugh........  Not a D&C..... crap.

To tired, crampy, hungry to finish my thought.... Surgery at 4pm this afternoon! I have to wait a million years to eat..... Starving.....

tired of all this but I have a plan ...

So my Dr has a game plan, I love that she is taking charge and it’s really not sitting well with her, I cannot imagine this sitting well with anyone. But she was quite shaken by it, I could tell that she was truly sincerely sad for me and my loss, which is very comforting. My husband said it best: “it’s because this is more than a job to her –she lives breaths and loves helping others…” And today while telling a friend about my experience this week,she asked who my Dr was and I say Dr. R and she was very please and told me that she was very highly recommended. And had helped friends of ours after they lost 3 times…. Good to know! So I have so much more hope that this is it, I’m not going down this road again…. We have a plan…

And Here it is:

1 st - D&C either Thursday or Friday this week…. Some sort of testing for the Fetal tissue… See if the baby was okay or not… And Lots of Blood test, Vit D and a full panel of fun stuff.

2 nd –MRI

She wants to look at my uterus more carefully, Although I was diagnosed with a Bicornuate uterus in 2011 after a Histosolinapinagram- (dye study with X-ray-usually just used to check if your tubes are blocked- mine was see the shape of the uterus which looked like a Bunny) which is not the only test they should book, should have done an MRI and that to confirm…. Commonly missed as actually a Sepitate /Septum uterus- MRI is the only way to really confirm that… So she wants to REALLY look at that! the reason she is questioning because I have had to laparoscopies and no one has noted my uterus to be shaped funny from the outside… if I had a true Bicornuate –it would have a dip in the middle, not the case with me, it looks normal. So the dip or septum is only on the inside of my uterus, and a septum usually has VERY poor blood flow if any Because that is a major cause of reoccurring miscarriages and would explain the ectopic and the reason I see a Heartbeat and it stop growing.. it could be due to the lack of bl worriood flow, I never thought of this, I almost always just assumed my uterus was Bicornuate, not septum.. But my best friend and family cousin has one removed last year… and it was odd that I was able to help her through that and now she is helping me through this…

3 rd –Depending on the outcome of the said Blood work and MRI –we will do Surgery to my uterus to remove a Septum.. HOPEFULLY this is the reason…

4 th but not in this exact order, we will do a saline ultrasound to make sure that she got all the fetal tissue from the D&C, she wants to make sure that she can get everything while my Deductable is met this year… So she will do the Septum surgery and the d&c correction if needed at the same time.

5 th and if nothing shows up at all this year, if I’m not septum, no issues with dna from the fetal tissue and no issues with the blood work… we will do Karyotyping on Hubs and I to see if there is something else going on…

I find myself a little sad tonight ... started spotting and I'm in pain, I'm just

nothing left to say.... or write

No heartbeat....

I'll write more later just not able to think clearly at the moment ... cannot believe we are here again... for the 7th time...