So the storm was not as "stormy" as she could have been. That's fine with me! The Hubby and I both worked pretty hard to get the yard cleared, which has been an ongoing project that would have taken weeks to complete and we somehow found the ability to do it all in an afternoon. Funny how a threat of a hurricane will motivate you!
It's my Birthday this week..... and I'm feeling like the end of an era is about to happen and I have nothing prepared.... Ever feel like you have soooo much to do and no time to do it in.... That's me, only I had 30 years and I feel like I'm cramming it all in now. At least this weekend was really nice. I got to spend some much needed time with my hubby and we just relaxed. We really didn't do anything... Just stayed in PJ's and watched instant stuff on Netflix.
Looking forward to Friday, friends of ours are taking us out to dinner, 1. to celebrate Adam taking a new job- with GREAT Hours! Finally 2. Their 9 year Wedding anniversary (ironically Hubby and I met the same year they got married, I was even at their hotel the day after their wedding and had no idea!) 3. My Birthday. So we have a lot to celebrate. Glad we have great friends.
Oh and today is my First day of school.... I'm sort of not in belief that it's happening!
But It's just 1 night class, it will be fine..... Yikes!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Making Plans...
So I found myself limiting my life... Here let me explain.
I would not sign up or do something because I thought I would be Prego... Well NO MORE, I'm going to be available to do as I please! Just signed up for a 10K that's finishers get Beer and Pizza! Heck Ya!
{Even though I'm Gluten Free I think I need a BIG Cheat day like that! Bring on the Bread and Beer! Pumkinhead is in season!- for those of you that don't know that beer, it's a magical thing that taste like cold glass of fall, complete with pumkin pie.... so good we (the entire state of Maine, no joke really!) wait for it every year!}
So... Here's to not putting things off! I know we all do this and forget to LIVE. It's like that song live like we are dieing. I'm not a huge country fan but I always think of that when I say no to something because I'm thinking I could be...Prego. Well you know what: could-a, would-a, should-a, and shame on me!
You only live once, I should probably enjoy life now while I am young, healthy and able.
And Cheers to O-ing early too....
I would not sign up or do something because I thought I would be Prego... Well NO MORE, I'm going to be available to do as I please! Just signed up for a 10K that's finishers get Beer and Pizza! Heck Ya!
{Even though I'm Gluten Free I think I need a BIG Cheat day like that! Bring on the Bread and Beer! Pumkinhead is in season!- for those of you that don't know that beer, it's a magical thing that taste like cold glass of fall, complete with pumkin pie.... so good we (the entire state of Maine, no joke really!) wait for it every year!}
So... Here's to not putting things off! I know we all do this and forget to LIVE. It's like that song live like we are dieing. I'm not a huge country fan but I always think of that when I say no to something because I'm thinking I could be...Prego. Well you know what: could-a, would-a, should-a, and shame on me!
You only live once, I should probably enjoy life now while I am young, healthy and able.
And Cheers to O-ing early too....
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Curve Balls....
Can I just say that I will be so happy not to think about all the little things I do to "make" a baby. For instance, I take my temp daily, I am looking at my CM daily around “that time”, I have sex with my hubby constantly around “that time” (no one is complaining there but still who has time for all that!) I just get obsessed with the worry and these small rituals keep me feeling like I have some small amount of control on the fact that I have gotten nowhere in 20 months of trying… Well I take that back, we have got somewhere it’s, here, in this space between nothing and something… I think something is going to happen soon but I feel like I have nothing to show for it… It’s a lot like Climbing a Mountain every month to find out that you haven’t found the peak and you have to head back down and try again the next month to only find out that it’s still a little taller then you thought… I think it I do not find the peak soon I will lose it…
I keep putting myself on this time limit, like this month/cycle is the last possible time to try but I feel like maybe it is.. Why I’m only turning 31… but I had thought I would be prego by 30… now I’m saying goodbye to 30 and not prego… This isn’t my last cycle by any stretch but I guess I just want to get one last thing done before I cross that line into the age I thought I would have completed this great thing… I told my hubby, that’s all I want for my B-day, is to be prego… He said we’ll I do my roll… I said you have to be available and not drinking that week, that mean sex in the AM early and evening… at least once a day… he says yes now but seriously you would think he is the girl because when it comes down to me asking him for sex, he might as well say he has a head ache because it’s usually something like that… I mean what the heck! But this all comes back to the fact he thought I could get prego anytime during the month and not just when I say so… So he might just be better this time… I’ve got T-minus 3 days until I start checking my LH with a Kit I figure why bother wondering I just narrow the window.
Then there is a curve ball…
My Hubby’s Uncle Paul died this Monday morning, we loved him dearly. It still makes me sad thinking about him being gone. He fought Brain Cancer and almost won… but this last year really took a toll on him and his fragile body, he lost the drive to eat or drink and we all knew it would be soon… I am grateful to have known him. Hence the curve ball, Hubby might need to drive his Mom to Virginia this weekend… right smack dab in the middle of my Ovulation… Or if my count is wrong then he’ll get back just before, I pray that’s the case. I want him to go but I also feel it’s always something that wrecks our timing…. So we shall see if he goes or if I O while he’s gone… I know this sounds corny but I thought if we have a boy his middle name could be Paul… My hubby and I want to have super hero sir names as our babies middles names.. sorry I’m slightly geeky. So I figured that he’s the most “real life super hero” we know, to have survived cancer 4.5 years longer then she should have, the title hero barely does him justice… Super Hero is fitting.
On I go through another work week…ummm... Looks like I might and could go depending on the funeral plans… stay turned, road trip to Virginia could be my weekend…
I keep putting myself on this time limit, like this month/cycle is the last possible time to try but I feel like maybe it is.. Why I’m only turning 31… but I had thought I would be prego by 30… now I’m saying goodbye to 30 and not prego… This isn’t my last cycle by any stretch but I guess I just want to get one last thing done before I cross that line into the age I thought I would have completed this great thing… I told my hubby, that’s all I want for my B-day, is to be prego… He said we’ll I do my roll… I said you have to be available and not drinking that week, that mean sex in the AM early and evening… at least once a day… he says yes now but seriously you would think he is the girl because when it comes down to me asking him for sex, he might as well say he has a head ache because it’s usually something like that… I mean what the heck! But this all comes back to the fact he thought I could get prego anytime during the month and not just when I say so… So he might just be better this time… I’ve got T-minus 3 days until I start checking my LH with a Kit I figure why bother wondering I just narrow the window.
Then there is a curve ball…
My Hubby’s Uncle Paul died this Monday morning, we loved him dearly. It still makes me sad thinking about him being gone. He fought Brain Cancer and almost won… but this last year really took a toll on him and his fragile body, he lost the drive to eat or drink and we all knew it would be soon… I am grateful to have known him. Hence the curve ball, Hubby might need to drive his Mom to Virginia this weekend… right smack dab in the middle of my Ovulation… Or if my count is wrong then he’ll get back just before, I pray that’s the case. I want him to go but I also feel it’s always something that wrecks our timing…. So we shall see if he goes or if I O while he’s gone… I know this sounds corny but I thought if we have a boy his middle name could be Paul… My hubby and I want to have super hero sir names as our babies middles names.. sorry I’m slightly geeky. So I figured that he’s the most “real life super hero” we know, to have survived cancer 4.5 years longer then she should have, the title hero barely does him justice… Super Hero is fitting.
On I go through another work week…ummm... Looks like I might and could go depending on the funeral plans… stay turned, road trip to Virginia could be my weekend…
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Everthing Happens for a Reason. Period.
Well... My period came on Sunday the 14th. I had honestly thought, no, this time it could happen. I was sadly wrong. Sunday morning I woke up to spotting before hubby got up and quietly dealt with it and slipped back into bed. Unfortunately my hubby thought I was just going pee because I wanted to "play" and he started to take off my panties a little and smooch my neck from behind. I grabbed his hand and quietly said my period came. He said "oh.. I'm sorry babe." the he turned me around and snuggle held me for a long time and we decided that we would stay in bed for most of the day and only get up for food. We decided at noon we were starving, and headed to the local dinner for eggs and other salty food I was craving thanks to Aunt Flow. I just still cannot believe it came, again.
That afternoon I had a talk with him about all this "trying", I figured nows a good time to ask for special favors because he knew how sad I am. I said: "we have to be on the same page. I need to be honest with you and tell you when we HAVE to have sex... this is the ONLY way we can get prego... I need YOU!" He sat there and listened, like he usually does. He's always been the thinker, he can listen to everything being said then take it all in, think about and formulate answer...I wish I could do that! But he sat there listening to me telling him I'm going to be using the Ovulation kit just so we know that we are being more on target then when I feel the right CM. And I need him to be not drinking during the week, no casual drinks because they tend to make him, well, not available to me to put it lightly... So he listened and then looked at me and said "ok, I can do that but we need to make it fun, I'm not a machine and I will not compromise our love life to make a life..." Well that seems fair and honestly good.
After having the talk with him last month because he thought we could get prego ANY time I now realize - I am his sex ed teacher. So i need to make sure that I am clear. In the past it's been hard because when I've told him I'm ovulating he's gotten almost stage fright from it but he said he's more okay with it now. He has some anxiety issues but he really wants to have a baby too so he's said it's something that he's over come.
Hubby did get a new job just this week. He's now working for a more stress free environment and better people. This will only help us. Also too at his old job he would have a few drinks during the day, he's a wine buyer so he drinks all the time and that's Krypton to his man parts. So this new job he's not drinking during the day, less stress and they want us to have kids. The owners wife was the one that gave us fertility pee sticks that she wasn't using anymore. They are really sweet and I think that this will help him be in a better place to have kids. Everything happens for a reason.
Then I find out that my hubby might be throwing me a surprise party for my b-day of some sort... If I had to explain that early on why I wasn't drinking EVERYone would know I was prego and if something happened I would not want everyone to know, I don't love that my SIL (sister-in-Law) knows as much as she does... She I'm sure is plotting something presently to get pregnant for the 3rd time in less then 3 years as some sort of record... That is a blog for another day, I could write Books on her, never mind 1 blog!
Then the other thing is I'm starting school again in 2 weeks, omg, yikes I just said it! I'm going back for Nursing, finish that degree. So maybe that's why it didn't happen now.
I'm ready, I'm just putting it out there to the universe I want a baby and I want to have it in less then a year. Okay?! Everything happens for a reason......... I keep waiting for that reason!
That afternoon I had a talk with him about all this "trying", I figured nows a good time to ask for special favors because he knew how sad I am. I said: "we have to be on the same page. I need to be honest with you and tell you when we HAVE to have sex... this is the ONLY way we can get prego... I need YOU!" He sat there and listened, like he usually does. He's always been the thinker, he can listen to everything being said then take it all in, think about and formulate answer...I wish I could do that! But he sat there listening to me telling him I'm going to be using the Ovulation kit just so we know that we are being more on target then when I feel the right CM. And I need him to be not drinking during the week, no casual drinks because they tend to make him, well, not available to me to put it lightly... So he listened and then looked at me and said "ok, I can do that but we need to make it fun, I'm not a machine and I will not compromise our love life to make a life..." Well that seems fair and honestly good.
After having the talk with him last month because he thought we could get prego ANY time I now realize - I am his sex ed teacher. So i need to make sure that I am clear. In the past it's been hard because when I've told him I'm ovulating he's gotten almost stage fright from it but he said he's more okay with it now. He has some anxiety issues but he really wants to have a baby too so he's said it's something that he's over come.
Hubby did get a new job just this week. He's now working for a more stress free environment and better people. This will only help us. Also too at his old job he would have a few drinks during the day, he's a wine buyer so he drinks all the time and that's Krypton to his man parts. So this new job he's not drinking during the day, less stress and they want us to have kids. The owners wife was the one that gave us fertility pee sticks that she wasn't using anymore. They are really sweet and I think that this will help him be in a better place to have kids. Everything happens for a reason.
Then I find out that my hubby might be throwing me a surprise party for my b-day of some sort... If I had to explain that early on why I wasn't drinking EVERYone would know I was prego and if something happened I would not want everyone to know, I don't love that my SIL (sister-in-Law) knows as much as she does... She I'm sure is plotting something presently to get pregnant for the 3rd time in less then 3 years as some sort of record... That is a blog for another day, I could write Books on her, never mind 1 blog!
Then the other thing is I'm starting school again in 2 weeks, omg, yikes I just said it! I'm going back for Nursing, finish that degree. So maybe that's why it didn't happen now.
I'm ready, I'm just putting it out there to the universe I want a baby and I want to have it in less then a year. Okay?! Everything happens for a reason......... I keep waiting for that reason!
Thursday, August 4, 2011
"Oh, it will happen, when you least expect it..."
You know when people say "oh when you lease expect it to happen, it's going to happen for you..." Does that line make you want to smack them? Well it does for me... I mean any women who has waited this long to have a child should have an idea that they are "trying" to get Pregnant or about to get there period... There are some shades of Gray there but for the most part you know what your doing...
I mean, I know when I am ovulating, so I make sure to have sex as much as I can during that time... I have a chance that it will happen. There is no way I can turn that part of my brain off. I'm trying not to stress about it but it is on my mind all the time. I know when ovulation feels like, I know when I start my period, I also know basic math... I know that I am about 3 days past my ovulation now. I know that in 11 days if I don't see signs of a period that I will either start to worry or start taking a test... I do this because I've had an ectopic before and they are nothing to mess with.
Okay now I'm going to contradict my self...The first time I was pregnant, I didn't really know because I was so irregular, one month it was 45 days the next it was 50 days then 39... all over the place. Also I was getting a normal period during the ectopic... Or at least when one I thought would come on, came that day and acted just like my period would. The pain was the part that didn't match up, but here the part that backs up my last statement: I knew enough to Pee on a stick the morning that my "2nd" period in 2 weeks started... I knew something was really wrong.
I used to take my temperature every day to give me an idea of when I ovulated. I now just know that on or about a certain date and when I see and feel certain womanly fluids to just start "doing it"...I did take my temp a little a few days ago just to see if I did in fact ovulate when I thought I did... and I did... still unsure if I timed it correctly with the Hubby. I do feel very gassy today... I have slight pressure over my ovary, super tired and am constipated... Here I go with the symptoms again.... I try not to think about all the possibilities and see if my symptoms match what I felt before but honestly I don't want them to match my symptoms from before, because those are all failed pregnancies... I want it to be different... and by different I mean staying full term...
I just get sick of that statement "it'll happen when you least expect it... "
Excuse my language but BULL SHIT... it will happen.... I just don't believe that I won't suspect it.... I think people say that to comfort me and my "situation"....
In other news, my hubby took a new job that will make it less stressful on us, it's not better money, but it's a less stressful environment, better people...Maybe this is the light at the end of our tunnel and it's just what we need... Maybe he was the one with stressful sperm and now they'll be swimming towards my eggs more easily...We shall see...
This time of year is hard... This marks the anniversary that we sadly heard the news that our 1st true pregnancy past our ectopic had no heartbeat... it was Friday the 13th... We should have known that the appointment would not go well on that date... Every year this week my family goes on a camping trip... We are hiking the tallest Mountain in Maine in Baxter State Park, Katahdin. It should be fun. The funny thing is if I don't get my period by the 13th I'll know something is up... It would be nice to make it one year to the day that I hear good news for a change...
So, here's to hopefully good news.... Signing off for a while... Camping in northern Maine = no reception or computers.
I mean, I know when I am ovulating, so I make sure to have sex as much as I can during that time... I have a chance that it will happen. There is no way I can turn that part of my brain off. I'm trying not to stress about it but it is on my mind all the time. I know when ovulation feels like, I know when I start my period, I also know basic math... I know that I am about 3 days past my ovulation now. I know that in 11 days if I don't see signs of a period that I will either start to worry or start taking a test... I do this because I've had an ectopic before and they are nothing to mess with.
Okay now I'm going to contradict my self...The first time I was pregnant, I didn't really know because I was so irregular, one month it was 45 days the next it was 50 days then 39... all over the place. Also I was getting a normal period during the ectopic... Or at least when one I thought would come on, came that day and acted just like my period would. The pain was the part that didn't match up, but here the part that backs up my last statement: I knew enough to Pee on a stick the morning that my "2nd" period in 2 weeks started... I knew something was really wrong.
I used to take my temperature every day to give me an idea of when I ovulated. I now just know that on or about a certain date and when I see and feel certain womanly fluids to just start "doing it"...I did take my temp a little a few days ago just to see if I did in fact ovulate when I thought I did... and I did... still unsure if I timed it correctly with the Hubby. I do feel very gassy today... I have slight pressure over my ovary, super tired and am constipated... Here I go with the symptoms again.... I try not to think about all the possibilities and see if my symptoms match what I felt before but honestly I don't want them to match my symptoms from before, because those are all failed pregnancies... I want it to be different... and by different I mean staying full term...
I just get sick of that statement "it'll happen when you least expect it... "
Excuse my language but BULL SHIT... it will happen.... I just don't believe that I won't suspect it.... I think people say that to comfort me and my "situation"....
In other news, my hubby took a new job that will make it less stressful on us, it's not better money, but it's a less stressful environment, better people...Maybe this is the light at the end of our tunnel and it's just what we need... Maybe he was the one with stressful sperm and now they'll be swimming towards my eggs more easily...We shall see...
This time of year is hard... This marks the anniversary that we sadly heard the news that our 1st true pregnancy past our ectopic had no heartbeat... it was Friday the 13th... We should have known that the appointment would not go well on that date... Every year this week my family goes on a camping trip... We are hiking the tallest Mountain in Maine in Baxter State Park, Katahdin. It should be fun. The funny thing is if I don't get my period by the 13th I'll know something is up... It would be nice to make it one year to the day that I hear good news for a change...
So, here's to hopefully good news.... Signing off for a while... Camping in northern Maine = no reception or computers.
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