Finally Zero and Surgery...

So I heard from the Dr yesterday and she said that my number is finally negative, aka zero. But I still need to have the hysteroscopy and the D&C for next week on Thursday. I will be full out. I know that this is not a “big” deal surgery but for me it’s just one more thing, one more thing I have to do and one more thing that doesn’t get me a baby…. But it will hopefully help. I had my pre-opt with my Dr yesterday. She and I talked about the what ifs and the do  and do nots, etc.

But I asked her something that I have been thinking about for a while: “This ‘leftover’ tissue, could it have cause my pervious miscarriage?” She looked at me and closed her eyes… and said “yes…” Any leftover tissue can cause miscarriages…. I had naturally passed my 2 pervious misses…. Hind sight is 20/20 but after you talk to a new Dr who makes the D&C procedure sound like a dangerous thing.. you decide to go natural.

A fellow blogger and good friend pointed out something profound about this very thing. If you had asked me 3 years ago what my birth plan, trying plan, everything plan… it would be NATURAL as can be…. Now look at me… Clomid bound, 5 miscarriages… WOW, if I knew then what I know now…. I’d have got the D&C the first time, I’d have listen to my 1^st Dr when she thought clomid would help, but I wanted to try natural…. Slap past me please?!

Now 2 and half years later I have no baby…. No right tube…. And I’m on birth control…. Heading towards drugs to aid me in conception & pregnancy… Awesome.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still doing everything as natural as I can, but modified. I have a luteal phase disorder, therefore I need progesterone.
Apparently my little progesterone production is slow and lower and it need to keep pumping for the entire 10 weeks before the placenta takes over… As long as Nature doesn’t provide this I’m willing to try it, plus like the Dr said it can do no harm… Cheers to no harm.

As I was looking for case studies and other information online about success rates for progesterone/clomid I found a website by mistake yesterday about progesterone administration- it was a PDF link medical article. As I read about the way it helps the mothers conceive a stay pregnant to term, I realized it was for fillies…. A horse. Purebreds, I guess they have infertility issues too…. It made me feel better that there was an entire paper, 36+ pages on this and it works for them, much in the same why it’s even to us – but sadly same as humans they make these infertile fillies go through many losses before giving them the meds to help them…. So unfair. I guess I’m an infertile filly too…

But the surgery is to explore my uterus and it’s fun contours, being bicornuate and missing a tube, I’d say that sounds like a good time for any Dr… Also it’s to look for this tiny bit of leftover tissue from the previous placentas. Which they will remove and she said that she would take photos for me. I actually am kind of excited to see what I’m dealing with in there. As a nursing student, this is right up my alley! I hope that everything goes well. I hope she is able to remove the tissus and see finally once and for all what the heck is going on in there.

Today I am feeling at easy with this information. Yesterday it was a different story. I had some really terrible neck pain and felt tense from head to toe. My palms were even sweating… I never have sweaty palms, my hands are almost always dry this time of year. After sleeping on what the Dr said and what Hubs found out – I feel like a weight is lefted.

I also had dinner with my SIL. She was kind. She made sure I knew that she would not be trying anytime soon for the 3^rd baby…. I was grateful. Even though she didn’t know about the last loss I think she knows… She said a couple of things that makes me think she does knows. But she never let on flat out that she knows. I have a feeling if she knows she just found out recently. I did end up telling her about the surgery last week, which she in turn told my MIL… I didn’t want her to know but oh well I guess what can I do. I said it was from past miscarriages, they know I had 2 – and the ectopic… She may not know about the most recent one… but I’m not sharing. Not yet. I told her it was old tissue and it has been in there for a while. Then I told her about the Clomid…. It might have been the Margarita that helped me push that one out…. I told her to keep that one to herself, mostly for her brother’s sake… I told her that I needed drugs to keep me prego and that we found I need help ovulating as well because of the 1 tube thing. She said she hope this works this time. Me too…

But I did tell her when we are going through all of this. I actually have been trying not to tell anyone when. I don’t want to hear once we get down to that week of the 2 week wait  “so did it work? Do you feel pregnant?” because as I’ve read from all of you, progesterone plays games with symptoms so I’m not putting myself publically through that… no way. Plus we won’t tell anyone until we make it to 13 weeks… it will be the longest 8 weeks of my life. But I cannot deal with the up and down again…. It will be good because my family camping trip will be about 16 weeks, we might wait until then… It’s going to be hard to be in close quarters with my family and not tell them.

My Hub’s cousin A just told me that she is prego. She has had 3 losses and then surgery to remove scar tissue in November last year. She and I started sharing then. I admitted to her that I had many losses and she admitted to me why she wasn’t coming to Maine until December. She emailed me last week – she’s 7.5 weeks and heard a heartbeat of about 133 BPM. That all sound good to me but it also sounded good to me last time. I am so hopeful it will be okay! And in a few  months we can share our pregnancies….  Her situation is bittersweet. Her SIL- B- has had more than 5 ectopic pregnancies…. When B first started trying they were hopeful and happy… now almost 4 years later, she has had countless surgeries and not much hope…. So it will be hard for them both.

Random note love Cadbury Mini Eggs… I wait for them all year…. At least I have good eggs now, haha – get it…. Sorry that’s lame….