Monday, July 11, 2011
Here I am again... waiting... wishing
I am now in the "I think my period will come today" Phase.... yet nothing today.... and I did pee on stick against my better judgment of trying not to do that every time! I really am trying not to... Harder then it looks... I have a fear that I'll just have another ectopic and not know again... I just heard a friend had one this past weekend... so scary. But the answer to the burning question which the answer seem obvious to me is: Negative... Could be too early but it's doubtful anything came of "trying" this time.... I'm so frustrated by my Hubby's inability to preform when I need him to.... when I am ovulating he seems to be interested in anything to do with sex.... it's like he knows it will make a baby and trys to avoid it... it's really frustrating! So we talked about... I explained the obvious to him... ummmm I cannot do this with out you... I need you... Etc... He understood... then said he feels like he's just making babies and not making love... I tried to down play this... we are still making love but when I need to make babies too sometimes love making is 2nd and it evolves to that but I tell him that I'm pretty in tune with my body and I know when stuffs happening... and he needs to understand, I love him and I want to make love to him, but sometimes love needs to happen at a certain time to make babies... then he said something that surprised me... He says: well let do it now, I'm willing to make a donation and smiles... I said babe you missed that boat about 2 weeks ago... he said no... I tried to explain the whole eggs get released in 24hr period and you have about a 2 day window, really, but he wasn't buying it... so I told fine you look it up and then tell me what you find out... I cannot get pregnant from you and your Donation at this point, I'm 3 days away from my period... it's impossible... and they way we are having sex is impossible too.... He said he would try to get better at it... he just didn't want to be a object... I told him he needed to just do me more... everything is fine I feel like we both got alot out the convo and he's aparently now schooled on the ways of my womeness... we shall see... Timing was not good this month... doubtful anything will happen... I want a time machine and turn back time to when it was easy and I didn't have any fear....
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hi, amy. i had the same conversation with my hubby about 2 months ago. at that point, we'd been trying for over a year. almost 1 1/2 years. he still didn't seem to understand the "there is only a small window of time that it'll work" conversation and - like your hubby - offered to try when it couldn't possibly work. if i try to analyze it, i think it's that, for the first time in their lives, our men are feeling objectified. like they only have a purpose to make us pregnant. they don't like that, they want to feel like sex gods. it's hard to make love at other times of the month (1 week = period, 1 week = lead up to ovulation when it feels forced), 1 week = am i pregnant, 1 week = negative test and i'm not pregnant). have your hubby read the article i posted on my wall about 3 posts ago. it helped my hubby a LOT. and it allowed him to open up about his feelings: i'm feeling sad and dejected, too. i'm feeling like a loser, too. i'm disappointed, too.
ReplyDeleteother than that, realize it ONLY TAKES ONE TIME. those of us going through this think that we have to have sex as many times as possible in that window, or at least more than once (b/c once never ever seems to work, right?!). in reality, though, as my IUI doc tells me "it only takes ONE SPERM." not even one sexual experience. just one swimmer to get the job done.
on another unrelated note, I AM PREGNANT. got a positive result on saturday, another 3 on sunday, another one today and then a BLOOD test to confirm the pee tests. and we only "did" it once in the window (and that "once" was the IUI). so one time is possible.
i'll check back and will keep my fingers crossed for you.
oh, about your negative result - i got a negative result 2 days before my period was due and then another the day after it was due. so negative does NOT mean you're not prego.
xoxoxoxoxo
also, i feel NOTHING - so the "i don't feel pregnant" thing doesn't seem to work, either. all i have now is period-like cramping and, for a few days, slight spotting. but nothing else.
ReplyDelete1st of all, I'm crying tears of joy! I'm soooooo HAPPY for you!!!!
ReplyDeleteWe have been "trying" since Nov of 2009.... so about a year and half.... I guess it was a matter of time that we started to let it get to us... at least I think he might get it more, I'll email him the article for sure thank you!
I feel like reading your last post about your "fight" between you and the hubby was soooooooo right on and I have been close to there.... I know those feelings! And It's true it takes 1 time 1 sperm... I could not believe that he thought I was able to get prego all the time... Then again, until 4 or 5 years ago I thought similar things... I hate this waiting! I do feel NOTHING but I was thinking about it on my way to work this morning before I read your post, every time I've been prego I've lost that pregnancy... "Why would I want it to feel the same way I did the last few times... " I don't! I want this to stay so it should be different!... so last night we had friends over and I was making my favorite drink, a mojito with fresh mint from the garden... well I could barely such down a sip, it totally turned my stomach... But it could just be the sunburn I have, or heat stroke or something, it's like 90+ here! And for Maine that's rare for more then a few days, and super humid.... So it could be just that... yah.... But you are right it just takes 1 time and I need to not stress... and I AM SOOOOOOOO GLAD I get to hear your good news!
So I'm expecting my flow today or tomorrow, I'm not sure because this is the longest period I've had in 2 months... I deff O-ed much later then I thought and my Luteal phase is usually only 12-13 days max and today is either 12 or 13... but who knows..... I really want this to be my time... I really am ready, especially after yesterday my best friends twin daughters were over and my hubby and her hubby hung out all day and when I got home from work I got to wake up one of them and cuddle with her, she's almost 2 and sooooo good at cuddling! It just made my day, I asked her what she did and if she had fun then she started to tell me in her little words what she did... Love her! Any my Hubby picks up the other one and cuddles her and looks at me and say I can get use to this.... awwww
XOXOXOXOXOXOX Keep me posted I am living vicariously though you!
18 months. you and i are on about the same schedule. it sucks. the waiting, the hoping, the disappointment. all of it sucks. as i was walking my dogs this morning, i had this thought: "life throws at us only what we can handle." so while it seems i can't handle this infertility thing, apparently i can and i just don't know it yet. and the same goes for you. you can handle this. you will get through this. an old friend (who i communicate with only through facebook now, but whose mom is friends with my mother) is pregnant. she and her hubby tried for SIX years. she said the hardest thing about it was what it did to her marriage. you and i are not alone in that we fight with our hubbies, that i (can't speak for you) threatened to end the relationship, that we wonder whether this is the right thing to do. it is immensely hard on couples, i've learned. but you can get through this. and if this month is not your month (and if this pregnancy ends up not sticking for me), then it WILL work eventually. one way or another, we both WILL be moms. maybe adoption. maybe foster. maybe IVF. maybe traditional pregnancy.
ReplyDeletei can't remember - have you done IUIs? i used clomid for the first time this month. not saying it is why we got pregnant, but it might have helped. it DEFINITELY made me ovulate - i was an emotional, crazy human for a few days (per my hubby).
you're in maine? i'm in portland, oregon. other side of the country, but thinking about you regularly.
and, again, if you get a negative, don't despair. you still might be prego. i got a negative test a week ago today. i sat in my office asking my boss for the name of an adoption attorney. a week ago tomorrow i called her. i was actually pregnant at that very time, i just didn't know it. don't give up hope (for that month) until you know for sure you're not pregnant. and then, after you allow yourself the emotional cry / whatever you need, get hope in gear again because you need her. she's all we've got at times like this.
xoxoxoxoxo. i can't wait to hear good news from you.
steph
Ironic, I'm in Portland, Maine.... one Portland to another... My heart skipped a beat when I read Portland to only see it followed by a OR... I have not gone with any fertility treatments or Clomid... But I've been told that Clomid is a God send... and with me down a tube It might be a good option... but my hubby has done alot of research and he diddn't like some of the side effects... we talked about it and he feels I've been though enough... i don't need to put my mind or body through that.... I think he is right but I do wonder how well it could work for me, i think if in another 6months I don't see results I will see the dr about it again and look into it more...I didn't know what went into an IUI until I read your blog - very informative _ I guess I didn't know what that was, now I do... Not sure if my Dr will go that route for me... But we shall see... I pray I do not need to go that route... But I am hopeful and it helps to hear from you, I have to say I think about you too, I told my co-workers that you are pregnant and they were happy, they knew I started the blog to help me and others, and I am happy to report back that this is helping me so much!
ReplyDeleteAnd with my Hubby, I think that he honestly just like you said doesn't like be a sex object, or being objectified! He's a little bit of a sensitive guy too... My friends tell me how lucky I am... I dread it sometimes, becuase he can take something harder then I do! like when i told him that having sex doesn't get me prego, we just have a very small window... It was like I told him there was no Santa Claws or something... haha, sorry don't mean to laught but it was funny, I made fun of him and got him to realize that I cannot do this with out him and when I say it's go time he needs to do his job and not get stagefright... So we are working on that but here I am wishing and waiting.... Hopping I get answers soon... I feel like crap today too.... Hate this heat! I can't say that I hate winter more!
I'll keep you posted lady! Thank you soooo much for Listening(reading) my whaos..
XOXOXOXOX
Ali
my hubby is SUPER sensitive, too. way more sensitive than i am. often i feel like the "dude" in the relationship. so i get what you're saying.
ReplyDeleteclomid was good. at least talk to your doc about it. there are side-effects, yes, but they were not so bad. and in fact one was very fun (feeling horny all the time - too bad my hubby was traveling). it can (didn't for me) delay ovulation, so you'd need to be doing OPKs so you know when you're LH surge happens. it made me emotional, but it was bearable. and - i've heard - it can increase miscarriage rates (fingers crossed that doesn't happen to me). but at least talk to a doc.
the IUIs (with or without clomid - we did 2 without clomid) are easy peesy. we don't have a "male factor" (i.e. that my hubby's sperm has a problem and that's why we're not getting prego). i've heard that IUIs are extra good when there's a sperm problem. but for us, it just meant that my hubby's sperm got a shuttle ride to the cervix rather than having to trek there themselves. and they - all of the healthy ones - were taken straight there rather than risking losing some along the way. but the process itself was EASY. took literally 30 seconds.
good luck, ali. i'm so glad to know you're out there. and to help each other along this reeee-diculous journey.
steph
?????? any news?????? thinking of you!!!
ReplyDeleteSteph... my period came at 4 am this morning.... At 1st it was just brown spotting yesterday so I thought maybe it's really happening, like that it was implantation bleeding.... Nope. Oh well better luck next time.... 20 to 24 days from now I'll have my chance again! Did you get your Blood work done, how's your HCG #? I hope that everything goes well!! Remember to take your Prenatal & Fish Oil....I just heard a horror story about a friend of a friend who is having a baby with a spinal disorder and low folic acid can contribute. I'm sad today but not too bad, mostly tired... I hate having my period... Thank you for thinking of me, I am so glad one of us got prego!
ReplyDeleteXOXO
Ali
my hcg went up dramatically, and things looked good. but today i'm having cramping and a tiny bit of spotting and am FREAKING out. just called the doc. waiting for a call back to hope that i'm not miscarrying.
ReplyDeletecall back = could be miscarriage, could be normal pregnancy spotting. hoping they'll let me do another blood test to reassure my mind.
ReplyDeletewell, it's been a tough 24 hours, but it looks good at this point. did another blood test. levels have again doubled (548 now). i realize there is NO way to know whether they actually tripled and are on their way down, so i have to stay positive that they are only climbing. spoke to doc / nurse and they said (1) cramping, (2) spotting, (3) tiny clot things can be totally normal. so i should just assume they are rather than freaking myself out.
ReplyDeletesaw my acupuncturist. she treated me for stress / anxiety and then also fetal stabilization and gave me some chinese herbs for fetal stabilization.
now, i can only wait and hope. will take another blood test monday and then i have to sit back and relax. until monday, too, i will be relaxing and trying to assist this little life in forming.
xoxoxoxo
steph
Ooh I am thinking really good thought for you, if it makes you feel any better, I never cramped or spotted with either misscarriage... I feel real good about lady!!! Xoxo
ReplyDelete