Curve Balls....

  Can I just say that I will be so happy not to think about all the little things I do to "make" a baby. For instance, I take my temp daily, I am looking at my CM daily around “that time”, I have sex with my hubby constantly around “that time” (no one is complaining there but still who has time for all that!) I just get obsessed with the worry and these small rituals keep me feeling like I have some small amount of control on the fact that I have gotten nowhere in 20 months of trying… Well I take that back, we have got somewhere it’s, here, in this space between nothing and something… I think something is going to happen soon but I feel like I have nothing to show for it… It’s a lot like Climbing a Mountain every month to find out that you haven’t found the peak and you have to head back down  and try again the next month to only find out that it’s still a little taller then you thought… I think it I do not find the peak soon I will lose it…

  I keep putting myself on this time limit, like this month/cycle is the last possible time to try but I feel like maybe it is.. Why I’m only turning 31… but I had thought I would be prego by 30… now I’m saying goodbye to 30 and not prego… This isn’t my last cycle by any stretch but I guess I just want to get one last thing done before I cross that line into the age I thought I would have completed this great thing… I told my hubby, that’s all I want for my B-day, is to be prego… He said we’ll I do my roll… I said you have to be available and not drinking that week, that mean sex in the AM early and evening… at least once a day… he says yes now but seriously you would think he is the girl because when it comes down to me asking him for sex, he might as well say he has a head ache because it’s usually something like that… I mean what the heck! But this all comes back to the fact he thought I could get prego anytime during the month and not just when I say so… So he might just be better this time… I’ve got T-minus 3 days until I start checking my LH with a Kit I figure why bother wondering I just narrow the window.

Then there is a curve ball…

My Hubby’s Uncle Paul died this Monday morning, we loved him dearly. It still makes me sad thinking about him being gone. He fought Brain Cancer and almost won… but this last year really took a toll on him and his fragile body, he lost the drive to eat or drink and we all knew it would be soon… I am grateful to have known him.  Hence the curve ball, Hubby might need to drive his Mom to Virginia this weekend… right smack dab in the middle of my Ovulation… Or if my count is wrong then he’ll get back just before, I pray that’s the case. I want him to go but I also feel it’s always something that wrecks our timing…. So we shall see if he goes or if I O while he’s gone… I know this sounds corny but I thought if we have a boy his middle name could be Paul… My hubby and I want to have super hero sir names as our babies middles names.. sorry I’m slightly geeky. So I figured that he’s the most “real life super hero” we know, to have survived cancer 4.5 years longer then she should have, the title hero barely does him justice… Super Hero is fitting.

On I go through another work week…ummm... Looks like I might and could go depending on the funeral plans… stay turned, road trip to Virginia could be my weekend…