Healing

I am going for my blood work on Thursday and I need to see at least a 50% reduction again, so my number 19 and now I need to see 9 or less... my personal hope is that I will see 6 which means that Birth control can start and I can get on track to healing.

Healing means that I can focus on school and my work for 3 months, no thoughts about making babies... hahahah YEAH RIGHT?! I will not be able to get that off my mind but at least the pressure will be off for 3 months.

I will be like I was in college again... High school... Only I was totally a 20 year old virgin... I wasn't cool enough to lose the Big V in high school. College was my entrance into "women-hood" if you will... Wow, if I knew then what I know now.... I would never have taken Birth control... Well maybe, but I would not have been so worried about pregnancy once I met Hubby... I knew that I was going to be with him for ever, I just knew. So why didn't I know that I was going to have this much "fun" trying....

Well the truth is, I did.... I knew that it was going to be hard because I was told that in the early 90's, the year I was 1st place on Birth control... Apparently having a menstral cycle that was over 45 days long was a bad thing and bleeding so badly in your sleep that you have to have rubber sheets was also not the norm... I even had to get a new mattress - my mum was worried what the guys at the dump would think...

After 3 different doctors and some traumatic experiences I found out - there is nothing they can do but regulate with The Pill... I remember crying with my mum - telling her that I wasn't going to have sex, and that I felt dirty and broken- I was 12 for gods sake. Not that it's wrong to have sex at 13 but I thought it was terrible at the time. I think that's why I didn't really explore that until I was 20. I could not bare to to that to my mum I guess. Well that break through just saved me a ton of therapy! My mum was great and supportive. I never felt that she was judging me - I was judging me...

Now in my Thirties - (wow I just said {typed} that out loud) - I can say I am finally on my way to the right path. I have a plan. I have testing that will help narrow down the issues. I know that I have a cycle disorder, I know now that I have a progesterone issue.... I know I lot that I didn't know then. And I guess as much as my Journey was really hard on me it will take me places where I need to be. I am a nursing student and I have always said that I want to work with the babies, maybe baby I need to work with the mum to be. I think I know now why my journey has brought me to this point.

Well here I go again on my own, only I'm not on my own I have a ton of women that are walking the path I walk and it's not easy. We will get there.

xoxo Lovely baby making ladies

Thinking about those IVF ladies....