9 DPO......nothing - Well not out but down for the count...

 ******* Update- Hope is not lost*******..... I something on the world wide web - a count down to a Key word here EARLY pregnancy test..... and it too says I'm a day and half early to know..... cool Widget at www.firstresponse.com under the online tools and conception widget is it's name.

So I need to hold off on the tissues and wine for a while longer..... before I start waving the white flag, my other blogging buddy would agree, I am too early to know.... And now that I have a negative test, anything positive from here on out should be good news..............

And further more (by the way this is my last shameful attempt at cheering myself up about this cycle) last time at 9DPO I was prego's - after looking at my Chart I think I was actually 10 DPO and when I tested I was 11 dpo....I also said I felt nothing... I pretty much feel something but close to nothing... So I'm only 8 today and actually could be only 7 dpo if my numbers were off slightly with temping.... So I need to cool my jets and get over myself.

I do feel really sick after lunch..... not too bad but like I have a buzz and kind of gassy - could be hormones have fun with my system.... or something.... hormones you are a bitch you know that.... sorry I sweared.... But she is totally is....

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Well I have to admit a bad move... I tested on Friday..... Positive, But WAIT don't get excited yet! Tested Saturday and yesterday.... and then I got negative this morning.... yes I know that I injected myself with HCG and yes I know it stays in your blood stream for 6 to 7 days (sometimes up to 14) yes I know that was dumb... lesson learned. My excitement was gone after about 2 hours into the first positive when I remembered that I gave myself a trigger shot of the stuff that makes me positive.... Hubs agreed we might be just the shot I'm testing for...

I feel fine. Nothing to report..... Not feeling really anything. Just sad not sure it's going to work this time. And Honestly it's no my fault.... I can really blame this on Hubby, he decided to drink the night after my shot.... and I was mad at him. He's not a drinker but when he drinks there is no way we can play- it's so not like in the moves when people get drunk and get pregnant..... He does this. It's his way of posing is own control over this shitty process. He gets this way when you directly ask him to do something, he's a pain about that, preforming is not his strong suite he tends to need things to happen when he feels like it, and this time he didn't feel like it..... Yeah awesome for me.... So if we are not prego this time, we are going to have a little talk about his choices this cycle... and how costly his choices can be for me health wise and financially.... Just get this way every year, it takes him almost a full year to get into a grove where he can give me all of him.... we have done this 4 times,  I see a pattern...So I bet money that by our next cycle he's going to be back on board..... This sucks, I hate having to put him through this but at the same time I'm like REALLY, all you need to do is have sex with me! I do all the hard parts!!! Sorry Had to vent, he really a good hubs and doesn't really try to submarine my chances... he just can't be pushed....

Oh well.... I know it's not over yet but I am believing more and more that this will not happen....Kind of pissed and sad at the same time. More pissed that I let myself get excited....